November 13, 2017

la reyna



"if i ever finish this book, i will dedicate it to you."


i wake up at six o'clock, and the light is just creamy enough to see by. it's may, like it always is in the old movies when the poppies come out and the apple trees hang low, frothing with green buds and virgin blossoms all dressed in rose. i curl my hands around the white sheets we washed yesterday, hung up to dry in the wind coming down off the mountain. there is no hurry. there is only time. slow, honeysuckle time.

i sit up, and watch the golden edge creep up the waist of huajatolla until she is fully dressed and i am fully awake, ready for the warmth of coffee and the sudden cold of the hardwood floor in the kitchen. she climbs up into my lap with a soft, milky purr and i scratch her just behind the ears. i know she likes that.

as i leave to make the coffee, she leaps off the bed to follow, and i look back. his chest is rising with the slow, evenness of his breath. there is no hurry today. only time. so i stand in the doorway barefoot, watching the shadow of the pine tree outside curl it's way around our window. she makes a sudden, loud noise, greeting the morning. and i see him yawn, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, rubbing the sunshine through his hair.

he looks at me, grinning at him.
he smiles.
so slow, and so sweet.
because there is only time.
slow, honeysuckle time.

--

i wake up at seven o'clock and hit the alarm before her pillow hits me from the top bunk. we both try to pull ourselves up, and i hear her murmuring the words to la reyna under her breath despite the cold.

i don't know if you're coming for me.
and i don't know what i'm waiting for,
but i'm waiting.
oh Lord, You know i'm still waiting.

and no matter how many words i fumble through, hurting and hurting and hurting, i am still hopeful. i know that nobody is promised somebody at the end of this. but i can't help feeling like tomorrow will be the day. or the next one after that. or maybe that one at the end of a long, beautiful string of days will be the day that brings
you.

this room.
this room still smells like honeysuckle.






to m.
i stumbled across your notes. i'm not sure why they made me cry, but they did. this is only half of the ache you made me feel.

and to the beautiful olivia knight.
this is for all of those posts that turned out to be fictional.
payback.
xx




18 comments:

  1. stunninggg.... and yay for a cat appearance! ;P the pictures feel so perfectly of November, i love that. new favorite Addy quote: "and no matter how many words i fumble through, hurting and hurting and hurting, i am still hopeful." <3

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    1. i squealed so bad when that sweet kittims crossed my path. AW THANKS LOVE <3 i love repeating words so much lolz

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  2. DON'T GO BREAKING MY HEARTTTT i couldn't if i trieedd
    u r giving me a pain in meh hart
    xx

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    1. *screams the only line of the song she knows*
      u better eat some ice cream to heal it
      xx

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  3. I love the vibe of this, the golden light and peacefulness and prayer. <3

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  4. wow these photossss <3 <3 <3

    also your new sidebar photo is so cute addy xx

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    1. HEY THANK YOUUU <3
      i think i look like a little chicken bawk bawk. but it's very glamorous and tumblr so there we go. xx

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    2. that's so funny because i was like whaaat no way and then i looked and i was like YEP I SEE SOME SIMILARITIES. both are stinking cute???? x

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    3. and i also think my name is rufio so there we go. x

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  5. absolutely lovely, as always <3

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  6. All I can say is that this is so beautiful yet so...I guess I just don't even have words for it.
    For some reason, this just makes me how much I'm thankful for the pain I've felt in my life, because it's led me closer to God.

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    1. amen, babe. pain is always the precursor to something wonderful and marvelous. we just have to be stubborn and patient. God is faithful. xxxxx

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  7. Gosh. I am still trying to wrap my head around these words. They are so beautiful and I just want to read them over and over. My heart is aching right along with you, girlie, this was just gorgeous. <3 (Also, I love your new pic.)

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    1. HEYYYY I LUV U AND UR SWEETNESS. thanks babe. xx

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  8. I read this twice, just breathing in the awe and the ache of it. Your talent blows my mind.

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    1. ur love is blowin my mind so thank you for that. xx you never fail to make me smile, sweets. thanks for the read.

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be kind.

xx