April 30, 2016

it's friday


it's friday.
his best friend died a couple of days ago. he didn't say everything he wanted to, because he thought that he'd have tomorrow.

there's a boy who was singing our song.
they are going to rock him to sleep and operate for fifteen hours. and if everything goes right, he'll still have to grip hands with sorrow.


i don't understand.

i punch your numbers into the phone, and my voice doesn't shake for a minute. i won't let it. but i just want to be here, listening to you.


it's friday.
a year ago, april was full of sunshine. this time, it's cold with ice. life giving ice, water that has time-traveled and is ready for the future. it's so cold. i squeeze my eyes shut and listen for the release.

God is close.
i rest my calloused fingers in His light. tired of fighting. tired of blowing up at this life, as if i am a leaky faucet. it's so cold.. i squeeze my eyes shut and wait for some peace.



i don't understand.

there is a pause in the conversation, and i listen to you moving dishes. i joke about it. you laugh, and i can hear you smiling. i try to keep up my end of the story. but i just want to be here, listening to you.

i will never let you hear the pain. because i know what you would say, and i don't want to hear your voice crack tonight.
and i don't understand.

but it's okay.

not everything needs to make so much sense. 


xx

hey. thanks for reading this. i don't say it enough, but i love you guys. i literally get tears in my eyes just thinking about your faces.













35 comments:

  1. i dont think you understand i'm actually choking on my feelings there are no words for this. it hurts. i cry. you rock.

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    Replies
    1. i am having a hard time breathing. xx thank you, my girl.

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  2. currently crying because of this utter golden beauty. how do i put my emotions into words? I can't.

    ~Noor

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    Replies
    1. i can't either, and that's why this works so well. xx

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  3. sending soooo much love your way right now, girl... you express so much in your writing, and it hits home. Keep speaking, keep looking for light beams in dark places, keep being you. *hugs* and prayers

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    Replies
    1. thank you, my sweet burst of glory. means the world. xx *hugs*

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  4. I literally got tears in my eyes just reading this. I wish I was able to come up with the right words to explain how much I love your writing.

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  5. This is beautiful. You put so much emotion into it. <3
    And the photos are spectacular as usual!

    Sophia xx
    A Lantern In Her Hand
    The Inkpot Girl

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  6. Oh, I love this so much. So beautiful! And sometimes I do need to remember, I don't always have to understand.

    Thank you.

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  7. i'm crying right now. this hits really deep. you have such a gift with words, addy <3

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  8. ...oh my word. this is one of the most beautiful things i've read in a really, really long time. it made me so insanely emotional and i had to read it three times. you kill me. you're amazing.

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    Replies
    1. THANK YOU AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH xx <3 ------> actually screaming. i'm a huge screamer. i do it all the time, and my mama thinks i'm a weirdo. XD

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  9. ps please tell me that was fiction

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  10. Very sorry for your loss... Hoping you will be ok; if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, the blogging community is here.

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    Replies
    1. thank you!! i definitely believe that. :)

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  11. wow this impaled my heart i think <3

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    Replies
    1. ow. my heart feels the pain in your heart bro. <3

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  12. get well sounds like a command. I'm just going to say hope you're healing. love you like a sister <3

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    Replies
    1. i'm healing. i know i am. i believe i am. God is always good. <3 love you like a sister

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  13. This is beautiful. I don't know how else to put it. It's heart-breakingly beautiful. And then coupled with the slow sad music I'm listening to, ahh. You're in Gods hands. Remember that. :)

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    Replies
    1. AMENNNNNNNNNNNNNNN. I NEEDED THAT GIRL. xx <3 thank you. much love.

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  14. WHY DO YOU CAUSE US THIS PAIN???
    but hoping that everything's okay and this is just a story. I'd hate for it to be real. *hugs*

    // katie grace
    a writer’s faith  

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    Replies
    1. CRYYYYYYY.
      thank you darling. it was real, but so is Christ, yeah? *hugs and love* xx

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  15. hello i'm literally close to tears and this is beautiful and i wish you could see my face as i'm reading this stunning piece because sO MUCH ADORES FOR THIS

    ily xx

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    Replies
    1. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IT HURTSSSSSSSSSS. xx

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be kind.

xx