July 25, 2015

wake up

breathe hard.
it isn't cold and it isn't early and it isn't...

oh.

climb out of bed.
sit on the edge.
it isn't dirty and it isn't quiet and it isn't...

oh.

i am forgetting myself again.

no cold walk outside where the dirt is soft and wet.
no silly hello from the boy who sat with the morning and was comforted.
no. no. no.

oh.

i reach for my neck, for the paper that said my name, for the way they said my name, but it isn't there anymore.

oh.

still got that smudge where he ran the marker gently along my hand and laughed. still got that scar from where i was too clumsy to keep going. still got that...hole.

in my heart.

oh.

i am forgetting myself again.

i close my eyes and i am back beneath the stars and we are together and they shall never forget me and i shall never forget them and we shall never be afraid again. i must be there. it must be real.

oh.

i open my eyes.
i am awake and this is not there. i so wish it was.
but i am forgetting myself again.



xx

p.s. the world is not like it was, and i'm dying. oh God of miracles, where art Thou now? i want to go back to camp.

20 comments:

  1. ADELAAAAIIIIDE YOU'RE BACKKKKKKKK *dances a happydance*
    The blogging world was incomplete without you and Cally ^_^ And your prose was breathtaking <3 Wow...I'm so glad your back :) It sounds like you had the best time at camp!

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    Replies
    1. AUTUMNNNNN. *cries and hugs you*

      thank you, darling. i missed all of you so much. ♥

      xx

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  2. you see i can tell it hurts and i want to go but if i dont go i might hurt but if i do go it might hurt after so does it hurt more when you realize how incredible it is and you get a taste of it or does it hurt more because you never get i taste of it, oh how i want to go to camp it hurts and then im sure it hurts you because you went but you have to come back, sorry Addy but i hope you had a nice time! :)

    thank you sooooooooo much once again i adore the pictures and words till it hurts

    "so many feels not enough time"
    - Arielle

    that paragraph was quite confusing

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i totally got you. but i also know, somewhere deep down, that the hurt is worth every glorious second. because it's the hurt that keeps me breathing, yeah? keeps me tender. i can't stop loving out of fear of hurting, because the pain is never more than we can stand. God is good! God is good. ♥

      xx

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  3. Beautiful. <3

    xoxo Morning

    P.S. Me and Autumn and Miss Internet were gonna surprise you, Hannah Joy and Cally with a surprise party but the timing was really bad... *goes off and cries*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YOU WERE OH MY GOSH I AM CRYING. that is so sweet. thank you for thinking of us, lovely Morning. i've missed you! ♥

      xx

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  4. You the real MVP, Addy.
    That was amaze. And I missed your blogging. <3

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    Replies
    1. i'm screaming can you just always say that when i need it most plz.

      thank you, love. ♥

      xx

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  5. Wow. Wow wow wow. This is amazing. "i am back beneath the stars and we are together and they shall never forget me and i shall never forget them and we shall never be afraid again." < your way with words blows me away. wow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ABBIE I ADORE YOU and i've missed you so much. ♥ thanks.

      xx

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  6. oh. this touched a tender spot in my heart and resonated with my soul. i know how it is to miss people. even the old you. keep your head up, my dear. your words are indescribably beautiful. xx

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    Replies
    1. oh, dear Grace. thank you so much. it means worlds. ♥

      xx

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  7. adddyyyyyy *sob*
    this was too perfect and real and raw and everything precious i just <3<3

    i'm so so glad you are back xxx

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    Replies
    1. elisabeth you darling gem. i have missed you so much. <3<3

      it's good to be back.

      xx

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  8. That was lovely. Absolutely lovely.
    -Jollygirl
    http://reflectionsofajollygirl.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete

be kind.

xx