it's friday

it's friday.
his best friend died a couple of days ago. he didn't say everything he wanted to, because he thought that he'd have tomorrow.

there's a boy who was singing our song.
they are going to rock him to sleep and operate for fifteen hours. and if everything goes right, he'll still have to grip hands with sorrow.

i don't understand.

i punch your numbers into the phone, and my voice doesn't shake for a minute. i won't let it. but i just want to be here, listening to you.

it's friday.
a year ago, april was full of sunshine. this time, it's cold with ice. life giving ice, water that has time-traveled and is ready for the future. it's so cold. i squeeze my eyes shut and listen for the release.

God is close.
i rest my calloused fingers in His light. tired of fighting. tired of blowing up at this life, as if i am a leaky faucet. it's so cold.. i squeeze my eyes shut and wait for some peace.

i don't understand.

there is a pause in the conversation, and i listen to you moving dishes. i joke about it. you laugh, and i can hear you smiling. i try to keep up my end of the story. but i just want to be here, listening to you.

i will never let you hear the pain. because i know what you would say, and i don't want to hear your voice crack tonight.
and i don't understand.

but it's okay.

not everything needs to make so much sense. 


xx

hey. thanks for reading this. i don't say it enough, but i love you guys. i literally get tears in my eyes just thinking about your faces.