August 18, 2016

THIS SONG



WHY CAN'T I WRITE THIS SONG.

i throw the paper across the room, fall down onto my back, and stare at the ceiling.

i'm desperate.
i'm desperate to get this out
to figure this out.
to stay in my beautiful memories. 

if i could only make sense of it.

i run my fingers along the guitar, but it's silent.
not you too.

i just want to tell her...i'm sorry.
i just want to tell them...i wish this hadn't happened.
i just want to tell him...i know.

and when i think about all of them, about all of their faces and their hands and their laughter, the ceiling seems to ring with them.
i sit up.

there is the song. 

it's all around me.

golden, golden afternoons and the mercy of Christ
and her glasses fogging up
and his hands pulling the blindfold from my eyes
and her tears on the trailer bed.

i smile.
and i'm crying.

there is the song.
there is the song i wish to write the most.

xx

somehow it feels like summer is over.
but it just started.
much loves.


31 comments:

  1. much tears and loves and prayers for you

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  2. I admit that I'm ready for Fall. The newness of each coming season is such a blessed time.

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  3. Beautiful ending <3 yess, it's just now dawning on me how quickly summer has come to a close!

    Ellie | On the Other Side of Reality

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  4. So heart-felt. It relates so much to everyone's life! :)

    Amelia xxx

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  5. *cries* this is beautiful! so much heart in this little story of despair-->victory. I want to hear the song...

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    1. *cries too* thanks girl. it's a sweet song. xx

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  6. Ugh this is so lovely, imma cry

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  7. HOLY OH MY GOODNESS THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT TRYING TO WRITE A CERTAIN SONG IS LIKE.
    it's there, but yet it's not. it's elusive and amazing and hiding and hard and exciting.
    we just want to say things, to tell them things.
    why is it so hard?
    oh but when we're done though.
    best wishes.
    I love this so much.

    Randy Abby
    WAKE ME UP Blog

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  8. this is absolutely gorgeous i feel the tears already xx

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  9. HI IT'S ME. WHAT A SURPRISE. u kno it. i'll be here. i'll be here to listen and to know every word of your songs and to sit with you on the couch while you work out all the crazy things. i'll be here to listen to you tell me about Baseball Boy and his younger brother who is as tall as you (AND ME. I CRIED. HE LAUGHED.). i'll be here to talk to you for hours on the phone and for when that sassy girl leaves off to go to college some day. i'll be here. and when i'm not, you know who is and will be. Jehovah Shammah.

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    1. HI I'M HERE TO TELL YOU ACROSS TIME AND SPACE THAT I LOVE YOUR GUTS. and i feel very far away. and writing this here makes me feel even farther away. but it's good to have blind faith. blind faith that can't see anymore. i'm going to need you. probably more than you need me. Jehovah Jireh. Amen.

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  10. this is so real! keep writing, honestly. this writer's block will pass and your time will come.
    - kodakdistant.blogspot.com

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be kind.

xx